When you absolutely positively don't want to be mistaken for normal.

The Truth About April Fools Day

The Truth about April Fools Day:

April Fools day was originally invented by greeting card manufacturers as a marketing ploy. Though it is not customary to exchange greeting cards on April Fools day, it was thought by some at the Seasonal Printers Association that a day devoted to pranking may result in an upswing of prank related accidents. In 1956 April Fools Day was adopted as the first and only international holiday and prank related injuries went up 20% for the month.

As predicted, the greeting card industry saw a comparable jump in the sales of sympathy cards so doubled their marketing campaign effort for the following year. Over the next decade prank related injuries steadily rose until finally in 1964 President Richard Nixon signed an executive order declaring that any act of pranking that resulted in illness, bodily harm or death would be punishable by restriction of citizenship and exile to the Hawaiian Islands, which at the time were desert wastelands inhabited only by hermit crabs and the giganticuscephalus glaber (giant mole-rat) which has since gone extinct.

The executive order was declared unconstitutional in 1976 by the Supreme Court but by then several hundred pranksters had already met their demise at the merciless maxillipeds of the carnivorous crabs. Once the public caught on to this scheme the backlash nearly bankrupted the greeting card industry. On the brink of collapse, nearly all independent greeting card companies were bought directly or through subsidiaries by one company.

Currently the greeting card industry is owned and controlled by a shadowy figure who has a virtual monopoly on not only greeting cards but also instruction manuals, industrial stock footage and owns the patent for the universal toilet paper and hand towel dispenser key. Though little is known about this man it is rumored that he made his fortune in the puka shell market and subsequently ignited the great puka shell boom of the 60's. This interest revolutionized the puka shell industry and the surviving Hawaiian exiles began exporting puka shells to the mainlands creating huge economic growth for the Hawaiian community*. Unfortunately, puka was the primary food source for giganticuscephalus glaber and due to the diminishing puka population the glaber was starved out of existence.

With the financial resources provided by puka shell exports, the Hawaiian government was able to start a forestation program and in just a few years transformed the once desert islands into the popular tourist destination we know today.

Currently the motives of the mysterious greeting card baron (known only as Ziggy) are still illusive but what is know is... every year over seven hundred thousand people are unwilling victims of pranksters or even worse, suffer the unintended consequences of a prank merely because of their innocent curiosity or proximity to the pranking area.

Is the greeting card industry still stoking the once dying ember of this annual tradition? A tradition referred to by the late Desmond Tutu as “A dangerous threat to the security and advancement of any civilized society.” What can you do to stop it?

1. Don't prank. Pranks are illegal, immoral and can cause irreparable harm to your loved ones and community.
2. Don't succumb to peer pressure. This time of year some of your friends might try to enlist you in a plot to pull a prank. Just say no! Even the knowledge of a prank can make you financially liable and criminally complicit. If you hear about anyone planning a prank immediately inform your parent, a teacher or the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Felonious Shenanigans Division.
3. Beware of internet Hoaxes. One of the most prevailing forms of prankery is through fake internet memes and notices. If you see a post on the internet today ask yourself “Is this bullshit?” If you think it is, you may the be a victim of a prank. Unfortunately once you have been pranked it is too late because the eye of the great Puka is upon you. To avoid the curse of the great Puka you must forward the post to ten of your friends. If you do not, you and your ten friends will suffer the curse of the Great Puka which may effect credit ratings, wilt your perishables and possibly cause you to grow teeth on the soles of your feet.


* For more information about the puka shell boom and subsequent puka shell pirate rebellion please join the Barko Toy Company VIP Club at the bottom of this page and receive updates, exclusive promotions, special offers and clandestine directives.

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