Barko Toy Company Grand Opening Announcement
Hello Everybody out there in the Land of Make Believe*!
I am the Holier than Hell Rev. Barkme Laughing Wolf, SubMortal*Cheerleader to the Apocalypse and Diabolical Minion of Good. You may also know me by one of my other incarnations including but not limited to:
- Rev. Barko
- Barchimedes* Lobo
- Darth Barko
- Uncle Barko
- Wolf Wizard
Originally from Nibiru, I frequently astral project* to a quadrant of the United States called the Pacific Northwest. Self identifying only as Yeti-American*, I recognize that my physical manifestation appears to be that of a white male (and acknowledge the benefits this provides).
Over the past half decade I have attempted to conceal my Yetinsyny* instincts and (unconvincingly) masquerade as a human, which has been awkward for both myself and the humans I encountered. The strongest instinct I've been suppressing is the drive to imagine and create art that captures the eye, inspires emotion and expands the mind.
In that effort I have opened the Barko Toy Company*, an online novelty shop and front for the Yeti-American Liberation Alliance*. The Barko Toy Company was established as a venue to showcase my artistic skills and provide the public an opportunity to support more creative endeavors.
To those of you who share my enthusiasm for unique visual art, please enjoy the ever expanding catalog of graphics, artifacts and wonderment offered at the Barko Toy Company. All of the artwork, graphics and quotes are original content created exclusively by myself under the pseudonym “Rev. Barko”. Every item is for sale and all proceeds will go to furthering my creative efforts. Please join the Barko Toy Company VIP Club (by entering your email address in the box at the bottom of the page) to receive updates, exclusive promotions and special offers. Please contact me directly or via Facebook for custom orders.
To those of you interested in learning more about the Yeti-American Liberation Alliance please be aware this is not a cult. No special haircuts, physical alterations or pledges of voluntary spiritual subjugation are required to gain privy the Alliances doctrines, though you may be asked to pass the cabbage test in accordance with Discordian* tradition. For more information about the Yeti-American Liberation Alliance, please join the Barko Toy Company VIP Club (by entering your email address in the box at the bottom of the page) and receive updates, exclusive promotions, special offers and clandestine directives.
Creativity, Beauty, Truth- These are the things I value most and want to share with the world. Thank you for your time and I hope you are able to find some magic in your day.
Rev. Barkme Laughing Wolf
SubMortal Cheerleader to the Apocalypse
and Diabolical Minion of Good
*1 Land of Make Believe: The manifestation of a terrestrial reality as perceived by humans.
*2 SubMortal: Not dead yet.
*3 Barchimedes: Barko is the short form of the surname “Barchimedes” which is of biblical origins referring to the name of Merlin's dog.
*4 Astral Projection: Beings with Yetinsyny* ancestry have the preternatural ability to project their perceived spiritual and physical manifestations of self to alternative quadrants of the space-time continuum.
*5 Yeti American: Any U.S. Citizen who self-identifies or believes themselves to be a any species of being other than human, primarily mythical creatures or cryptid in nature.
*6 Yetinsyny: The name (coined by Polish Stanisław Szukalski) for a species of mammal with both human and Yeti DNA. The theories of Stanisław Szukalski are denounced by most forward thinking Yeti-Americans as inflammatory, prejudice and the word “ Yetinsyny” is considered a slur in most contexts. Yeti or Yetisan is the preferred nomenclature.
*7 The Barko Toy Company: A subsidiary of Wolf Wizard Gifts.
*8 Yeti-American Liberation Alliance: A secret organization dedicated to fighting the malevolent influences of “Grayface”* over the forces of the "Pinks"*.
*9 Cabbage Test: Principia Discordia Pg. 29 “...the Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that they are truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.
10* Grayface: Principia Discordia Pg.42 "Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own."
*11 Pinks: From the Church of the SubGenius Wikipedia Page "In the Church's view, this conspiracy uses a façade of empowering messages but manipulates people so that they become indoctrinated into its service.The Church refers to these individuals as "pinks" and states that they are blissfully unaware of the organization's power and control."